Hi guys. Today I'm gonna do a fun advice post :)
That's kinda sarcastic (altho I'm usually not a super sarcastic person, I am right now) because the topic I am about to talk about is actually not funny at all :/ Altho I'll try to make it interesting or even relatable (idek) because a lot of people, especially teens, go through this and I'm in the mood to talk about it sooo.
Losing a friend is almost as bad, if not just as bad, as breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend, in my opinion. Sure, I've probably never experienced real heartbreak, but I feel like what I went through and am still dwelling over recently with a friend is just as bad because essentially it is still the same thing happening. My "heartbreak" with my best friend (whose name I won't mention) was probably just as hard because of how much time I invested in him. Think about all the time, thought and secrets spent (jesus christ). I mean, having friends generally means sharing a part of ourselves, almost giving up a part of ourselves for that person !!! It hurts because we held a special place for that person in our hearts and because of what we invested: we thought about them while we exercise on the elliptical at the gym and we think about what we'll do with them tomorrow as we fall slowly to sleep. He was a channel in which I expressed myself which I don't have any more--of course there will be a noticeable gap. And I'll tell you now: there is no cure but the healing of time. In a year, I guarantee you will not be putting nearly as much thought into what went wrong and what you could've done or if you were too harsh. For heartbreak of any kind. But if that person doesn't turn out to be the person you thought they were, it's kinda just bad luck, and you have to appreciate the time you had--don't regret any of it--and move on.
You can't do anything about it. You can't try to change them or change yourself so drastically. Lovers always think they can change each other and it never ends up well. If your friend does something that you deem disruptive, disrespectful or just terrible, it's not fair to either of you to continue. I believe of course there is room for second chances, depending how bad what they did is in your mind. And to some extent, you have to respect the friendship you had and say "is this dispute really worth it?" but if you're having to question that anyway, then what do you think?... But you've also got to live for yourself and not for your friendship unless it is so worth it.
It is getting better now, but after I first decided to end this friendship (I guess) I was having major issues believing in my decision. I kept doubting what I'd done and still I am not positive it was the right decision. I keep wondering if I'm a horrible person or if I broke it off for the wrong reasons. I think in most cases, you'll know if it was right somehow. I think I was worrying for the most part because he was literally one of my few friends and all the rest of my friends were either a major part of only his friend group (which I obviously used to be a part of) or in a different country (lol). So by making the major decision to cut out that friendship I was literally cutting out all my other cords, if you will (??). Luckily, the other guys were all kind of unaware of our "breakup" (what do I even call this!? fall out, i think) and weren't as mean to immediately give me the cold shoulder too, altho I have barely talked to them since, we're just not as close as we are. And anyway, it's probably a bit awkward anyway for them. But I'm rambling about this! Sorry, back on track...
Also what made it hard was the fact that he was kind to me at first. And I had never done so much as get angry at him for swatting a fly. And it seemed like we had been friends forever, and that just a few weeks before, he was reassuring me that I was his best friend.
After what happened, our whole friendship and all our moments kept flashing back at me. I was constantly remembering things! Literally, we shared so many special moments but you have to remember why the fall out happened. For me, I think my friendship was bound to end. We were growing apart. I found myself not really wanting to hang out or questioning myself why I was actually his friend when he said or did certain things. Not in a horrible way, I hope, but because we were just so different. I remember thinking how similar we are and how lucky I am to have found him! Boy, have things changed.
Also people break up from friendships because they have to focus their attention on different things. For instance, school or working on themselves or whatever. Pampering yourself. Take your falling out as the best time yet to give yourself attention & love & learn about yourself!
But think about it: friends do come and go. Personally, I'm not used to it, but I know that for sure people either just drift apart or (like in my case) something happens that makes it stop. For good...
Please remember that whatever happens, happens for a reason. Have faith in yourself. Obviously if things don't work out, and this goes for any relationships, then it's just not meant to be. So relax.
I hope this helped. If it did, let me know. Are there any topics you want me to discuss? I'm thinking about making this a more regular thing. Could be fun.